It's been over a year at me doing this whole stay at home mom thing. I like to think I suck less then when I first started, but some days that's debatable. "Some days" would probably be in reference to this past week...and oh, it's only Thursday. LONGEST WEEK EVER. Seriously though- you know Wyatt. He's a good kid really. I couldn't be prouder- he's not only adorable, but he's smart, sarcastic, quick witted and has an incredible imagination. His flaws? he's adorable, smart, sarcastic, quick witted and has an incredible imagination. Coupled with the factor that our home group has been studying the book Grace Based Parenting, the acute awareness that I am at times a complete parental failure is overwhelming. Since beginning this parenting study, I have become much more conscious of my reactions( OVER reactions really) to Wyatt, disciplining, and when I really just need to let it go. Sometimes it's just not worth it- and as one of the other parents said, when you're already in a mood where you're going to overreact and the punishment is not going to fit the crime, perhaps you just need to walk away. He's right. Unfortunately I haven't been walking quickly enough. I can't even think of anything specific.....Oh Wait.
"Mom, I wasn't helper today at school because the bus was late...it's your fault...you should have brought me down quicker." (WHAT?)"Mom, you didn't put my library book in my backpack and I couldn't take a book out. Why didn't you put the book in???"
"Mom, can I watch TV? can I watch TV? can I watch TV? can I watch TV?can I play angry birds? can I watch TV?"
"What? Owen's not coming over today?????????????????????Well who's house are we going to???? No ones'?????????????"
"I don't like you." (Really? we're going there again?)
"It's your fault." "it's your fault it's your fault." "because you didn't do .....," "because you didn't do ....." "because YOU"......It's exhausting. Can we think about the things I tried to do right? And am I really trying to justify myself to a 5 year old??
And then there's the repeat stage- where he states everything I've just said. Like Parent Fail for instance- which I mumbled to myself after I was yelling at him to help me look for my keys which I couldn't find, because my mind is becoming just stupid. I was of course mad at myself for overreacting and lashing out at him unfairly...to which I then said parent fail (TO MYSELF). Wyatt of course picking up on this treasured phrase repeated it to me. Then there's the sharp witted comebacks, to which I can't really say anything because he sounds just like me. He is a carbon copy..of ME. Crap. SO do I discipline myself first? Hmmmm. I'm sure I've already written this somewhere, but when I was a teenager, my mom said, I'm going to pray that one day you have a kid just like you. And I said GOOD. Because that kid will be AWESOME. * note This was not said in a pleasant voice. I'm sure you know the tone in which it was spit back...think adolescent voice. Fast fwd *shudder* 20 years and here we are. A kid just like me...who is awesome.....but........Wyatt is like a temperature gauge of how I'm doing. When he starts freaking out about the time, or because he's lost something, or does these huge exaggerated sighs, I see myself and well...blech- that sucks people!!Here's my feeling about this job of being a stay at home mother..and then I'll wrap it up. I feel as if this is a super tough job to complain about. Don't get me wrong, it's not because there's nothing to complain about..but particularly within the expat world, no one except for other women who are feeling like you really want to hear it. Husbands joke, well if reincarnation is true, I want to come back as an expat wife..har har har....Let's break it down. I've got it good here. There are perks to being an expat('s wife) I know this. I get coffee, I go exploring, we go to the parks, we have a small, yet big community where people know each other and there are a ton of activities for women who don't work and have kids. Here's the thing. Not exclusive to just expats but our husbands work hard. Our husbands often work late. There are a lot of hours to fill after school and when your 5 year old is back talking with the sarcastic flair of a 30 year old, sometimes it gets old, frustrating, stress inducing...all despite my comfortable lifestyle. Let's get real though. Some days just suck and I feel entitled to say that . SO thanks for listening. I'll keep working on the grace thing...wish me luck and let's hope for less parental fails hmm?I'm sure I'll keep you posted.
