The Art of Fine Dining

Have you ever known you were going out to dinner and looked forward to it, like ALL week long? Or... had your favorite candy bar sitting in the fridge (Hello Lindts Double Milk...thank you Kati Kelly..)just waiting for that special moment of consumption? Anticipatory excitement.... It's like a novelty. Now imagine eating out every night or having to eat your favorite candy bar every day- kind of loses some of that initial appeal, right? Yeah this is the state I currently find myself in- ah yes the trials if being an ex-pat wife. Right. I know some of you may want to punch me in the face right now . I get it. I'm NOT complaining. It's my same old saga of trying to figure things out...out loud... No need to thank me. I've been hearing a bunch of mothers feeling the same way as their kids are heading off to school.
In this respect I feel men have the advantage   (disclaimer* MY opinion*).
Certainly not in every circumstance but in many, the guy goes to work, (working hard mind you), feeling the daily pressures of needing to make ends meet while ensuring that the financial obligations of his family are met. I completely get that that can be tremendously stressful. But the mother.....well that's a different animal entirely isn't it. I feel that men aren't as riddled with guilt or with as many concerns as they make their way into the workplace. Their role is more defined.....but moms? Me? Guilty. Pulled in so many directions- constantly wondering if we're making the right decisions, spending enough time with our kids. Did we give them a big enough hug this morning? Why did I have to yell so loud when he jumped on my head this morning at 6:15 AM? Why after school have we only spent a total of 20 minutes together before I'm disciplining and trying to maintain a shred of patience?  As mothers we tell ourselves, I know I need to work, but is there some other way to make ends meet? I know I really don't need to work....but I really want to......oh God, will he be in therapy because I didn't breastfeed?
And so it goes. On and on- it's endless. So much of our lives, energy and heart go into our kids. My heart is walking around the playground under someone else's watch while I spend yet another morning getting a cup of coffee and going to the gym. All the while knowing that I've GOT to do something else other than what I'm doing. This is approximately my second full week of school being in session and while fun and exciting at first, I'm getting full of the fine dining every day. I've caught up on the first season of Glee, joined a woman's bible study and consumed way more iced coffees than I'd care to share. My husband assures me that once my volunteer job kicks in more steadily, I'll feel more grounded. I sure hope so because I'm floundering, and ultimately I feel incredibly self centered; not to mention with as much time as I'm going to the gym,  I should be in WAY better shape. OH the iced coffees... Well it's a vicious cycle isn't it?
Highlight  of my Debbie downer post? Not sure how many of you know the book Love You Forever by Robert Munsch.- but there's a little song in there that I sing to Wyatt every now and then-
 I will love you forever
I'll like you for always as long as I'm living-
My baby you'll be.
Well this morning Wyatt, always sensing my moods and making the conscious choice to either assuage or exacerbate them, chose in this instance to look at me in all my depths of despair and sing the song to me.
Ahhhhhh my son, my heart.
That my friends, is fine dining and I ate it up. Every bite.