Whoa Momma.

There was never a shadow of doubt that I would be the crappiest mother ever. I'd never been a big lover of babies (*gasp*) and my maternal instincts and the maternal bone that all women are supposedly born with, was I thought, mysteriously missing in me.
There are so many cliches when it comes to parenthood...what being a mother does to a person, how it changes you. I hate cliches. Motherhood does change you though. To the core. I was never a stay at home mom. I was in the beginning of grad school when I got pregnant, was working and continued to do both after Wyatt was born. I never stopped. Wyatt spent his time with his daddy while I went to night classes, went to Bebe n' family during the day while I went to my internship and worked at the Assisted Living. Wyatt loves his dad and he loves his BeBe n family. I knew he loved me and I definitely cherished the days I spent with my baby boy when I was not working or at school. Yet, on those days, was I really with my baby? I was pulled in a million different directions and I never really stopped. I NEVER STOPPED. When I graduated, I got a job closer to home, closer to my boy but continued to go a million miles a minute. I loved my job. I loved working, I felt that working made me sane, made me a good mom. I mean, with my lack of a maternal bone, would I really make it with Wyatt at home, meaning, would he still be alive at the end of the day? Could I do it? And...... I wanted to be a working mom...right? Let's not get into maternal guilt right now. Thanks.
Fast Forward- I'm in Taiwan aka stay at home mom land.
This had to be the worst week ever. Wyatt was excruciatingly disobedient and painfully annoying. He knows each and every one of my buttons and pushed them at will randomly and......daily. Delightful wouldn't you say? During these button-pushing moments, tantrums reminiscent of Wyatt circa 2008 and lies about brushing teeth?....I found myself almost wishing that a butterfly would pass us on a bike ride and land on his head. Seemingly a sweet and innocuous statement, given the exception that my kid is terrified of butterflies and runs in the other direction with a speed that would defy Iron Man. I mean butterflies? C'mon. Wow. Awesome mom you say. I dare any one of you to tell me that you don't have secret thoughts that plague you when your kid tweaks you.
Fast Forward to Saturday morning.
I had not yet had coffee and I was getting Wyatt's breakfast when I stubbed my toe. I yelled. My son sweetly came over and kissed my foot. No hesitation. Nothing was in it for him, it was not manipulative, he was not trying to get me to turn on Batman or even because he wanted another Pop-Tart.- He did it because he knew I was hurt. My sweet boy.
*Cue hated cliches.
Wyatt and I ride the bike together every day. You know what I love the best? I love that he has his seat and handlebars right in front of me so I can wrap my one arm around his chest as we pedal with our pretend jet-packs on as I hold him tightly to me. My boy is precious.
The point amidst all of this sappy drivel? I've slowed down. I am enjoying my son. I am reveling in our horrid moments and my not-so proud moments as a mother and the sweet tender moments when my baby says all he wants to do is snuggle. Wyatt is creative and imaginative. He is sensitive and theatrical with an amazing sense of comedic timing.  His sarcastic wit is unparalleled by any other 4 year old. I state this firmly, as I have traveled the globe and have yet to find a suitable challenger. He is this amazing little product, a gift that God has given Will and I. I look at him with a sense of awe and wonder. Every day. Wyatt asks to cuddle with me now. He gives me frequent kisses and hugs. He asks to play with ME, not just Will. We've bonded because I've stopped. I've missed my boy and I feel like I'm making up for lost time and am taking advantage of this opportunity. Don't get me wrong. I am not getting on a motherhood soapbox by any means. I'm certainly not saying that I won't go back to work when we go back to the States-but for the here and now, I'm just trying not to lose site of what's important. I'm finally coming to the realization that sometimes you just have to slow down, take it in and stop. Huh.