Today.
I’ve written this in my head about a bajillion times, and now at 11:19 PM as I’m sitting down to actually write it..no words are coming. Bummer. I’m pretty sure it was WAY more profound about 3 hours ago.
Today was really hard.
But let's be honest. Life wasn’t meant to be easy. If it were, how could we possibly taste the sweetness or appreciation of accomplishments or growth? Right?....RIGHT?!?!?
Days like today I close my eyes and think back to my expat experience when I was surrounded by friends literally on the daily. Someone was ALWAYS there. It made me feel secure, supported and heard. I was able to use adult words to actual adults who would then actually respond back in kind. This is perhaps the single most difficult issue I’ve had to reconcile with. People in the US are crazy busy. We aren’t on this insulated bubble of an expat island..people here are running around crazy, whether it be to school, work, activities, the gym…life! I am not their priority..imagine that?! While I know that this was inevitable upon our return, over a year later I’m still trying to find that balance and not wallow in the blahs and what was.
Days like today I close my eyes and think back to when Wyatt was a toddler, being watched by the Hawthorne's,.. a family in our precious Virginia village. I think about the significant impact that they have had on our lives. I laugh when I think about my no gun policy.( like of the plastic toy variety, guys) .. ..back to when my 2 year old Wyatt was fashioning guns from sticks and I said…Suzan, I’m not comfortable with guns….Aly, she said patiently….two year old boys will pretend ANYTHING is a gun. #truth
Can you imagine if I was the sole influence in that child’s life? ack. I sure can’t. Wyatt’s imagination is unreal. He wields both imaginary and wooden weaponry with vigor and always (of course) comes out the hero in the end. Shame on me for preventing him to play and use his imagination in a way that only I saw fit through my narrow lens.
Guys..we don’t have to be alone in this journey. Do you really want that burden? What is holding you back? Fear? Pride? Seeing yourself as a failure or that you are weak for seeking help?
The saying, it takes a village is no joke. This is not the first time I’ve written about it. I LOVE my village.
Today.
I phoned a friend.
I called it in.
I passed the baton.
I tagged out.
Mercy I screamed!!!!
Alex in his own way said all of the above as well. However..it was done by throwing objects at my head. Hitting me in the face and having numerous meltdowns within a 30 minute period. We needed to not see each other’s faces for a couple hours.
She came. My village swooped in, took my boy and loved on him in a way that my fatigued, drained mama body couldn’t.
I relaxed while playing a wicked game of Mario Kart with my Wyatt and doing load after load of laundry. In peace. And. Quiet.
Our sermon series recently has been about being a control freak. I know I am one…and I know that the Lord is REALLY working in me, to relinquish that control.
If you’ve got that village you love and trust, let them help you. Give up the reigns and let it go. For the good of you…and most of all for the good of your children.
