Sunday, May 11, 2014

Family Treasure

Each individual has a story and a history that explains why they are the way they are. One's "family," whether that is a mother, father, aunt, uncle, close friends or an entire community, play a large role in molding and shaping who we are. They are an integral part of our story, of our history. Some of these families are large, some small, some dysfunctional, others healthy; some relationships fade over time while others remain strong and intact. To make matters even trickier,when you choose your spouse, you choose their family as well.  It's such an interesting concept when you think of it. Our families are comprised of multiple characters all with differing personalities- little idiosyncrasies that lay an impression on us as if clay. Then to merge together? Well....we all have our stories I'm sure.
My own family, due to divorce and remarriage is fairly large and filled with a mix of lively, lovely people whom all have had an impact on me at some point or another. As is usually the case and due to the craziness of life, a lot of these connections with extended family are not as strong as they once were. It happens. Right?
I'm writing this post with my husband's family in mind. I have this incredible memory of going out to dinner with Will in Manassas when we were "just friends." Unaware that I was probably being vetted at the time, we were joined by the Barton's at the Tavern. Short of snorting soda out my nose, I knew after that one evening, that this was a family I wanted to be a part of. I knew that night, that there was something special not only about this man in front of me, but about his family as well. 
I write this next line, not because I  have to, or because I'm kissing buttocks, but because it is how I genuinely feel.  I won the jackpot. My husbands family is unlike any other that I have ever met, and it becomes all the more apparent when staring into the face of tragedy. 
Having just joined this family by marriage twelve years ago, I quite obviously have a different relationship with Will's immediate and extended family then my husband or his siblings do. With the majority of my husband's family living in the same town, there is an incredible bond amongst all of them that I can barely scratch the surface to explain. The family works together, helps one another...and it has been this way, to my understanding, all of his life. He grew up with his cousins, visiting each weekend, playing with them not just as cousins, but as a brother. If someone was/is in need, there is virtually no hesitation-the need will be met. This feeling transcends family and is felt within the community as well. They love and care for one another deeply. It is incredibly inspiring, and at times leaves me feeling slightly inadequate. 
So imagine when I say that this past week has been emotionally excruciating, only having been in this family for 12 years, how those in the community and immediate/extended family must have felt at the loss of one of their own. Jared Ritchey, beloved father, husband, son, brother, cousin, nephew, co- worker and friend...He was only 32. 
Sorry for your loss......praying for your family........thinking of you.......
While all of these sentiments are true, they all seem so grossly inadequate to utter. Jared was so full of life.  He was a treasure to all those who knew him, and I feel privileged to have met and been impacted directly by the life he led.
The loss of a loved one is like a raw open wound that feels as if it will never heal. Your emotions are out there for everyone to see- and it just feels unfair.  Little reminders seem to be everywhere, and you can barely think of how to live in the very moment you're in without them. How do you live this life without someone who has been such an integral part of you? The grieving process will differ for everyone involved, but with so many uncertainties, the one assurance is that in this family, there are pillars of support everywhere. Family and friends are all there for one another without question or hesitation, actions I can only describe as a priceless treasure. This week has made me humbled and honored to be a part of them.